I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
