idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
