I smell stomach acid.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
