I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
