My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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