On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
