i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In other news, I just burned my penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
