I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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