We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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