Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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