We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
