He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
