I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
