Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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