I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
