Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
