Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
