so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
