He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
