He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
