He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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