If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
