JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
