I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
