i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
