my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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