a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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