so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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