You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
