Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
