Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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