just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
