i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
