marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
