Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
