So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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