i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
