I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
