It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
