I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
