My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's great music for shaving your balls
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
