Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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