me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
