i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
