She is in my trunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
