My brain says no but my pants say off.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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