The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
