I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
