So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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