I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
