If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Where is the hickey?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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