Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
