I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
