If i come over, it means nothing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
