I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Randomize
